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Welcome :) You’re reading Be Greater. Thanks for tuning in.
The worst bruises I can remember from martial arts didn’t happen to my body. They happened to my ego.
Making a mistake in a tournament in front of a gymnasium full of people. Dropping something during a solo performance I’ve practiced hundreds of times.
I used to let those moments haunt me for weeks. Replaying the mistake. What I should have done differently. The little voice that says everyone is watching and remembering.
But eventually I learned something.
You can sit around watching old game footage, or you can get back up and go play the game.
Don’t underestimate the sheer power of laughing through the pain. Laughing things off. Letting it roll off your shoulders.
Words, insults, fears, embarrassment — all of those bad feelings can only hurt us as much as we allow them to.
If you’re confident and comfortable in your own skin, without being perfect, then you’re good. You need to stop caring so much about how you’re perceived. Or if you’re well-liked. Or judged. Or laughed at.
Just don’t give a f anymore. It’s so freeing.
Do those people really affect your life? Do they pay your bills? Do you have to please them in order to receive your paycheck?
The answer should be no.
But here’s the thing. You can’t just decide to stop caring and have it work. That kind of security doesn’t come from a decision. It comes from somewhere.
This is why personal freedom, independence, and autonomy are so important. If you rely on someone else or something else to support you, or cheer you up, you may never feel fully secure. And if you never feel fully secure, you will always care what people think. You will always be looking over your shoulder, hoping for approval.
You are not truly free until you are the captain of your own ship. If someone else owns your boat, and someone else is deciding where you go, and you’re just along for the ride, then you’re no captain.
You’re a passenger cruising along. A crewmate in your own life.
And being a passenger brings fear and uncertainty. Because you aren’t in control. You don’t know what’s happening or how to fix it if it goes wrong. You just have to hope someone else is handling it. And that’s no way to live.
It’s definitely not being greater.
We want to be the captains of our own life, and captains need confidence.
Confidence comes from experience. Exposure. Trial and error. Many failures. Until you know what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.
Just like fear and anxiety come from the unknown. When you don’t know what’s going to happen next or how to handle it.
Ignore the imaginary fears in your head holding you back from what you want to achieve,
and just do it.
Literally just do it. Stop thinking so much. Stop imagining all the worst scenarios. Stop buying more accessories. Stop perfecting every detail.
And just do the damn thing.
You don’t have to go in blind. It’s good to be informed on the topic and how it works and what people are doing in that space.
But you want a macro-level view on it.
You want to be able to read the big picture, see the trends, and understand it so you can do it your own way.
But then the only way to truly understand it is to experience it. Over and over and over again. Put in the reps. Try different things. Get tips, advice, and inspiration from people better than you — without copying their style.
You should slowly feel like you’re getting more comfortable with it. More skilled with it. Seeing better results. But this applies to failure too.
Failure is a skill that needs to be practiced and repeated.
If you’re still terrified of failure, or you let it hold you back or cause you to quit, then you’re not failing the right way.
You have to get reallll comfortable with failure. See what you can learn from it. Do it until it becomes easy and you can do it in-stride without slowing down or letting it make you feel embarrassed. You already know who you are, and you know your failures don’t define you.
It really does come down to consistency, improvement, and dedication. You need the discipline to stick with things. To keep showing up. Don’t focus on immediate results or metrics.
You’re not comparing yourself to anyone but you.
Being carefree — having the ability to laugh things off and keep doing your thing without taking things personally — comes from being confident in yourself, your abilities, and who you are as a person.
That confidence comes from:
Doing more things
Actually trying and being good at something instead of worried about being “cool” and nonchalant
Acting in a way you’re truly proud of, even when no one is watching.
Once you get enough practice with that failure skill, you humble yourself, and it helps allow you to stop taking yourself so seriously.
Because you need to be sure of yourself. You have to accept and love (or at least like) yourself first before you can expect anyone else to.
*And I’m going to keep it 100% real with you right now: It helps to be in a healthy relationship, or marriage, or family. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it does. Because it gives you that love and acceptance to just fully be your weird, unique, authentic self. And you know that you don’t have to impress anyone, because at the end of the day you’re still going home with your squad.
But me and my wife only found that type of relationship because we were already being ourselves out in the open. If we’re being honest, it can be scarier flying solo in the world. It’s more intimidating to be yourself out loud and say whatever you think without having that guaranteed safety net of a partner or family that has your back even if you fail, or everyone laughs at you, or your joke falls flat.
So I get that it can be harder out here for my solo readers in this world, BUT you’re also the ones who could benefit the most from being yourself out loud. (assuming you consider making genuine connections with people a benefit)
Because when you’re living as your authentic self, anyone who’s interested in you is interested in the real you. As opposed to an uncomfortable version of you that’s pretending to be someone else.
Sure, sometimes people achieve insane results by living a lie, and doing some deceiving, and stepping over some people.
But it’s so much more satisfying, more stable, more impressive, and more fulfilling when you achieve those insane results while being your authentic self:
Saying what you really believe and standing by it
Telling the truth, never hiding behind lies
Sticking to your standards and being honorable instead of selling out and playing dirty
While also being open-minded to new information and other ways of doing things
All of that is to say: when you live as your authentic self, and you’re improving and growing into the best version of you that you truly want to be, that’s when you can really like and accept yourself. And be proud of yourself and who you see when you look in the mirror.
And once you become that version of yourself, you don’t care what other people think.
Because you’re already exactly who you want to be.
You don’t even want to be the person that they would look up to anymore because that’s not you.
And you don’t look up to these people that are criticizing you anyway, they’re not above you, you don’t depend on their approval or support, you don’t need it.
They are just fellow people on Earth. They can do whatever they want. We aren’t worried about them.
We’re locked in doing our own thing.
Once you’re living life as the person you want to be — acting in a way where what you believe, how you feel, what you say, and what you do are aligned — then you’re good.
You have all the confidence you need to laugh off anything that doesn’t matter.
You can let it roll off your shoulders.
Then you can avoid being slowed down by getting hung up on Life’s Endless Stream of Bullshit™ or getting emotional over small things you don’t really care about that won’t matter tomorrow.
And you can focus on doing what you really want to do and enjoying your life. Being comfortable in your own skin. Chasing your goals and dreams. Changing the world.
Or whatever it is that you want to do.
Free your mind, have some fun, and just do it.
Log off, spread love, be greater.
-[gf]
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First rate! Great debut. Best of luck and thanks for the inspiration.
I am cheering you on!